i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
