I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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