wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
