it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize