dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
