He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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