So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
