The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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