then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
