I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
