Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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