I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
