if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
