I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
