i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
