I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
