If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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