At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
