i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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