This is not my ceiling
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
