They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
