i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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