you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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