Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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