I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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