I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
