I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
