I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
