bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
