Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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