We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
