If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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