Need sex. Gaining weight.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
