I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
