I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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