just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize