it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
