Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
