just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
