Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
