I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
