My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
