Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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