In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
