I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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