He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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