Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
