does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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