You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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