Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
