he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
