she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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