I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize