My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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