i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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