So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
