It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
