Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
