No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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