I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Your dad touched me again.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
