I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
