Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
