god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
