It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
