I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize