any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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