I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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