nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
