eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
