You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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