Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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