Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
