I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
