my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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