i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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