She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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