We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Houston, we have a blender
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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