Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
