i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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