Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
