Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
