I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
