i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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