no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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