A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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