it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
