How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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