Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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