Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
