I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
