Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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