God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
