i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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