just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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