Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
