Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
