bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
