I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize