I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
