someone owes me an orgasm
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
