i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
