Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
