I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize