so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
