and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
