I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
