I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
